OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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