Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
