Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
