Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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