Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize