Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
