I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
