something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
