Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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