dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
