u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
