he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
