so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
