working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
