I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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