My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize