i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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