Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
