he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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