If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
