somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
