I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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