Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
