i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
