don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
