Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
