Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
