I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
