I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
