i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
