my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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