Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
