he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
