I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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