so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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