That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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