who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
