I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
