I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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