So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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