I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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