Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
