so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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