my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize