I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My liver just broke up with me...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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