Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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