u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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