I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
