The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
