..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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