does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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