How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
