you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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