I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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