i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize