I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize