i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
