I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
