If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
