so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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