stop calling my apartment porn island.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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