My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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