Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
