that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
