Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
