My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
