I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
