If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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