Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
