You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize