im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Couch. On fire.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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