So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
