At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
