I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
