Those balls look pretty dangerous.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
